there used to be a time

when i would long for real life experiences.  i would romanticize the crap out of life, outside of the borders of my room.  inside, i would have mini dance parties, by myself, in the middle of the night, with my headphones, and fresh, pink ipod.  but i'd watch way too much tv, and assume that, "in the real world" there was all of these experiences, i would want.  i remember once, when it first began, the musical growth, really - a man, who we will forever refer to as a hero of mine - he participated in these late "concerts" if you will, while i downloaded the live recordings.  i remember writing something about this then, and whatever journal i kept around at that time.  and there was a specific song.  and the first 4 beats of that song, instantly overwhelmed me with nostalgia.  for no real good reason.  it just instantly reminded me of being out, in the downtown streets, late at night.  that's how overprotected and naive i was.  and the song gave me chills for that world, i thought i'd never know.

all this to say, that a lot has changed.  i am more than familiar with 4am downtown, by now.  in fact, this very evening, i come to you, having just attended a seriously, cool, fashion show, in a cool, warehouse, with cool dressed people, and a very cool atmosphere.  and now i'm in my bed, thinking, and nibbling on cheese.

those first four beats of that song don't scare me so much anymore.  in fact, now it reminds me of high school play practice.



and this?  this was an immediate, gut-one.  yesterday?   yesterday was eye opening, and fucking scary.  very fucking scary.