how do we distinguish one-night stands, from sexual assault? i like the answer found here. but i can't help but think back to situations like this:
this scene is significantly relevant in our contemporary culture. because, being drugged by someone who intends to sexually violate you, has not successfully been drilled out as disgusting, in many young men.
rape by definition is sex without consent.
this is all very clear to me, but there are grays here. i understand that sex enforced on an individual, even after the individual has said no, is rape. i understand that poisoning an individual, in order to sexually violate them is rape. so from this understanding, how do we account for instances in which sex is experienced without consent, but without denial either. i will give you a specific example.
girl X and boy Y are at a freshman party. boy Y is trying to impress and flatter girl X, so he buys her lots of drinks. in turn, both girl X and boy Y get very drunk. boy and girl black out to the consequent events of the rest of that night. fast forward to the morning after, where girl X wakes up naked next to boy Y, and they both see a broken condom on the ground. the assumption would be they had sex - but remember, both girl X and both boy Y claim to have completely blacked out about the night before. let's now assume, for the sake of this example, that both girl X and Y are telling the truth when they say they can't remember the goings on of the night before.
is this rape? technically, sex was enacted without consent (or at least, possibly without consent, as there is no memory of the event happening) - or is this just another one-night stand?
i have spoken to many individuals about this in the past couple of days. some demand that the girl take responsibility for her own actions - that no one "gets you" drunk, and that it is your responsibility to say no to alcohol. others say, that irrespective of consent or not, the boy should know better than to sleep with a girl who is that visibly drunk. but both response put the blame and responsibility of such an event on one or the other, when perhaps both are plausible reasons.
i think this is a gray area, because of the very definition of rape. and yes, in this current male dominated society, a respectful boy would have stopped the situation from happening. but in this circumstance, how come he has more onus to have acted more "sober" in the situation, when he was just as drunk as the girl?
furthermore, one of the ways in which this situation could be justified from the claims of rape, is if we alter the story, by adding that boy x and y are in a longterm relationship. the term, "implied consent" allows for this situation without referring to it as an act of rape. but such an argument for "implied consent" suggests that being raped by your boyfriend or girlfriend, is technically not possible - when it very much is.
rape is a horrific act, and i do not intend to speak of it lightly. but, i find there are inherent unequal gender dynamics at work in this situation. and maybe there ought to be, given the realities of the society we currently live in. but if we really aim for equality, than why is more responsibility given to the boy in this situation than the girl? when we do this, i think we reaffirm a supposed "delicate" and "fragile" ideology that surrounds the concept of womanhood. we also remove women of their own agency when it comes to being sexually liberated. if the situation were reversed and the woman had spent the entire evening buying the boy drinks, with the intention of bringing him back to his place, and again, the morning after, they woke up to the same situation, the boy would never claim rape! and yet, there was no technical consent for sex in that situation as well.
and if the definition of rape stands in that situation - then it can be claimed for every instance of one-night sexual experience. and these things, these one-night stands are incredibly common aspects of our society - so should every hung-over woman claim rape? should none? both questions sound absolutely ridiculous - and yet, by virtue of the very definition of rape - they are questions that can be posed, and are worthy of investigation.
this scene is significantly relevant in our contemporary culture. because, being drugged by someone who intends to sexually violate you, has not successfully been drilled out as disgusting, in many young men.
rape by definition is sex without consent.
this is all very clear to me, but there are grays here. i understand that sex enforced on an individual, even after the individual has said no, is rape. i understand that poisoning an individual, in order to sexually violate them is rape. so from this understanding, how do we account for instances in which sex is experienced without consent, but without denial either. i will give you a specific example.
girl X and boy Y are at a freshman party. boy Y is trying to impress and flatter girl X, so he buys her lots of drinks. in turn, both girl X and boy Y get very drunk. boy and girl black out to the consequent events of the rest of that night. fast forward to the morning after, where girl X wakes up naked next to boy Y, and they both see a broken condom on the ground. the assumption would be they had sex - but remember, both girl X and both boy Y claim to have completely blacked out about the night before. let's now assume, for the sake of this example, that both girl X and Y are telling the truth when they say they can't remember the goings on of the night before.
is this rape? technically, sex was enacted without consent (or at least, possibly without consent, as there is no memory of the event happening) - or is this just another one-night stand?
i have spoken to many individuals about this in the past couple of days. some demand that the girl take responsibility for her own actions - that no one "gets you" drunk, and that it is your responsibility to say no to alcohol. others say, that irrespective of consent or not, the boy should know better than to sleep with a girl who is that visibly drunk. but both response put the blame and responsibility of such an event on one or the other, when perhaps both are plausible reasons.
i think this is a gray area, because of the very definition of rape. and yes, in this current male dominated society, a respectful boy would have stopped the situation from happening. but in this circumstance, how come he has more onus to have acted more "sober" in the situation, when he was just as drunk as the girl?
furthermore, one of the ways in which this situation could be justified from the claims of rape, is if we alter the story, by adding that boy x and y are in a longterm relationship. the term, "implied consent" allows for this situation without referring to it as an act of rape. but such an argument for "implied consent" suggests that being raped by your boyfriend or girlfriend, is technically not possible - when it very much is.
rape is a horrific act, and i do not intend to speak of it lightly. but, i find there are inherent unequal gender dynamics at work in this situation. and maybe there ought to be, given the realities of the society we currently live in. but if we really aim for equality, than why is more responsibility given to the boy in this situation than the girl? when we do this, i think we reaffirm a supposed "delicate" and "fragile" ideology that surrounds the concept of womanhood. we also remove women of their own agency when it comes to being sexually liberated. if the situation were reversed and the woman had spent the entire evening buying the boy drinks, with the intention of bringing him back to his place, and again, the morning after, they woke up to the same situation, the boy would never claim rape! and yet, there was no technical consent for sex in that situation as well.
and if the definition of rape stands in that situation - then it can be claimed for every instance of one-night sexual experience. and these things, these one-night stands are incredibly common aspects of our society - so should every hung-over woman claim rape? should none? both questions sound absolutely ridiculous - and yet, by virtue of the very definition of rape - they are questions that can be posed, and are worthy of investigation.
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