i snapped my head to gaze at him, immediately.
we were lying in the grass, stoned, and as he said this to me, i wore his eyes, like a pair of sunglasses, that had casually dropped into my palm. they were bulky, and glittery, and violet, not rose-coloured.
"that's amazing," i said.
he remained silent.
i had ruined a perfectly authentic, and acceptable moment/experience, confusing awe, with a desire to confirm, and validate understanding. he had to know that i thought that was amazing, that he was amazing, and he had to know what i was experiencing. why he had to know, i will never know. but it this desire that has carried through the conclusive ends of all of my relationships - friendships, moreover. which is also not a fair assessment to make, as i am pretty sure i perceive everyone as a potential lover.
today, on my way out, i noticed a friend of mine, had spend the earlier half of that morning quiet. so i said, "everything good?" and he shouted out, in the crowd, "why are you so awkward with me?" then he turned to the pretty girl in front of him and told her how nice her hair was, pointed his thumb at me and said, "she thinks i'm an asshole." i was mortified, and a crowd was staring at me, like i was a weird judgmental, being. it was sunday morning, and this particular boy was probably on his way to church.
may he have mercy.
we were lying in the grass, stoned, and as he said this to me, i wore his eyes, like a pair of sunglasses, that had casually dropped into my palm. they were bulky, and glittery, and violet, not rose-coloured.
"that's amazing," i said.
he remained silent.
i had ruined a perfectly authentic, and acceptable moment/experience, confusing awe, with a desire to confirm, and validate understanding. he had to know that i thought that was amazing, that he was amazing, and he had to know what i was experiencing. why he had to know, i will never know. but it this desire that has carried through the conclusive ends of all of my relationships - friendships, moreover. which is also not a fair assessment to make, as i am pretty sure i perceive everyone as a potential lover.
today, on my way out, i noticed a friend of mine, had spend the earlier half of that morning quiet. so i said, "everything good?" and he shouted out, in the crowd, "why are you so awkward with me?" then he turned to the pretty girl in front of him and told her how nice her hair was, pointed his thumb at me and said, "she thinks i'm an asshole." i was mortified, and a crowd was staring at me, like i was a weird judgmental, being. it was sunday morning, and this particular boy was probably on his way to church.
may he have mercy.
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